so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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