Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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