Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
