but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
