I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
