He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
