My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
