and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
