I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
