before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
