Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
