Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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