I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
