im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
