absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
