I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
