I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
