i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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