scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
