this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
