your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
