That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
