dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
