How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
