Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
