I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
