I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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