I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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