Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
