HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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