dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
