Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
