i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
