i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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