Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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