i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
