Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
