She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
