Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You ate ashes out of my bong
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
