i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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