She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
