im drinking this country out of the recession.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
