the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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