Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
