in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
