Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My hand turned me down
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
