I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
