oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
