Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dignity is for republicans.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
