i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
