Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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