Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize