i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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