hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
