no, he came in my armpit
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i will never coherently bang her
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
