i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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