Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
