escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
