he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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