carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
