This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
