I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We smell like vodka and hangover
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
