The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
