My cat gives me a boner
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
