oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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