I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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